Performative Sex By Alayna Annett

Sex is fun. Sex can feel good. Sex is bonding. Sex is also noisy, smelly and awkward. 

 “Performative sex” is a way many of us try to control the “ugly” parts of sex. For example, have you ever caught yourself in the mirror during sex and corrected your facial expression or body position so that you look a particular way? 

 Reminder - sex is going to be weird, funny and uncomfortable sometimes. When we put too much pressure on what we want sex to NOT be, we often don’t leave too much space for everything else. 

 “Performative sex” is also a way that we try to control our insecurities and live up to s-expectations. For example, have you ever moaned in a certain way because you’ve seen it in porn and you think that that’s what sexual pleasure is “meant” to sound like? Or, intentionally not made noise during sex because it’s considered “feminine”?  

 Reminder - sex is an unique experience to all, and media doesn’t always give an accurate representation. When we act in ways that aren’t natural to us or feel enforced, we are making sex about everyone else except ourselves and our needs.

By Aspiring Sexologist, Alayna Annett