So, what if you have low libido or don’t find yourself filled with spontaneous sexual desire? The belief that we should be horny regularly and intensely is a harmful myth and definitely not the standard or norm.
When it comes to initiating sex, it’s helpful to think about Dr. Rosemary Basson’s circular model of sex response. In this model, sex doesn’t need to start with a particulary strong “drive”. We can reach a state of sexual desire through arousal, by being physically stimulated or, as women report, when feeling secure or connected to a partner.
There’s no clear path to sexual desire, it’s more about discovering what brings you satisfaction - perhaps, a combination of physical and emotional stimuli, in addition to or in lieu of an automated drive. Sexual desire is not a necessary precursor for partnered sex (but, remember, consent ALWAYS is).